An Essay to Disguise Giving Up

There are the mistakes we make after trying very hard without success, and the ones we make and attribute to divine intervention, for their favorable outcome. But I am interested in the tangibility of intention- the end we can attribute to ourselves, our perception, our experience, or our next step.

I feel temporary, the impulse of time's momentum relative to my actions, like I'm sifting through peanut butter, my thoughts fall like concrete from my ear to break my foot, the opposite of amnesia.

I recognize myself as an animal, most, in my impulses. And I think trying things over and over to eliminate mistakes is an evolution we can benefit from in our lifetime. So I am in love with momentum, and feel like a caged animal when I come to an unfamiliar point and don't know which way to go. I am learning the graceful way of going back the way I came, or leaving the path altogether. Some may call it quitting. But we are too temporary to attribute meaning to all of our mistakes. Sometimes patience prevails. Sometimes things are plain wrong. I am learning when to stop, abandon ship, give up, or quit in whatever connotation the situation requires. The truth is, leaving is movement.

Here is one thing I decided just won't work, for now.:

It was going to be a comprehensive catalogue of all the techniques I learned in my undergrad.

I was pretty far along in documenting the process, and close to finishing this task.

It's made from an old music techniques book, some of the record books that have pockets in which to hold the records, davey board, and fabric. I planned on finishing the

cover with an image transfer of the altered cover with my name, new title and content in place of the old technique book's title, and content.

I will return to this project, with a strong foundation for format, and a better understanding of durability in construction. I am really interested in categorizing information in the most efficient, usable form. For now, though, I am in Australia, working on a smaller scale, with ideas I can hold in my hands, while my mind takes in everything else.

Owl Mother, Daughter

To: Ellis Anders

This treasure is a song book I found in Arles, France.

And has become a place for my new niece to keep her treasure.

Organisms in Their Environments: The Documentation of Existence

Here is the story I wanted to tell, pictures and all.

This book is made from an old book, kraft paper, tracing paper, ink drawings, and collage. The illustrations are primarily from four books (Le Petit Buffon Illustre, Backyard Flowers, A Golden Guide: Ecology, and A Flower Book for the Pocket), collaged to create a place with which to identify the words (which may be taken as advice).

The quote from Richard Lewontin is taken out of its context, to kaleidoscope its possible meaning. It speaks of a thermometer which we can apply to our lives. If you are unhappy in your work, that must not be the work for you. Or if you're not very good at what you're working on, it's okay to move on. We've made it this far, we can't be doing so much wrong. But we've made it this far, because we've evolved. Why stop now?

The individual contains his personal evolution. And in order to thrive, must make his space personal. (Above page's text from Ecology.)









Applied to making this book for a new baby, it's a reminder to parents and child, alike. It's okay to let go, because although we inhabit each other's space at times, the line must be drawn at inhibiting another's space. Boundaries, too, are a part of space building, and I am not, by any means, saying we can do without them.









I am only trying to explain how ephemeral this concept, these walls, can and should be. How much of ourselves to implement, without imposing.










But my words are grains of salt. I've never been a parent. I've only had them. And they taught me these things; I don't know where else I could've gotten them.










I am not saying leave a space when it's uncomfortable. But know the capacity of your lungs for water and air.

A Golden Guide: Ecology lists the types of species interactions as follows: shade, fungi, growth inhibitors, predator and prey, competition, in symbiotic relationships, a give-and-take relationship, protective, and dependency

Those are classifications to keep in mind.

give-and-take
















fashion as space








shade
















A look at the full spread, with page number.






This page's text is a quote taken from A Golden Guide: Ecology. Although the rest of the text is my own (except page two, also from Ecology), the sentiment that spoke to me from this statement is too honest to neglect. There are many things it makes me think, so I will edit. At first, I hear something about being safe, and the dangers in remaining covered. Because I have negative connotations to the words persisted and isolation. At first, I feel a mediocre excuse coming on because persistence speaks of trying, failing, middle of the road to stay on course, safe. But I am wrong in my assumptions. Then I realize how beautiful the structure and concept of fossils are. This species, around for hundreds of thousands of years, could be mistaken for anachronisms in their isolation, their subtle existence, but they are role models of evolutionary excellence. What great advice I bet they have. For preservation is a creation...






I moved a year ago, and am about to move again. I am skeptical of myself. Because truly, if you are happy, shouldn't you be able to stay put, and regenerate yourself? Motion is inspiring, but is it cheating? People close to me questioned my motives for my last move, and the move I am about to make. The impression I get, is that they assume I am unhappy, and want to go get happy. I admit, there are times I feel stifled by places, and it may seem to correlate with longevity. I felt like I HAD to get out of Orlando, FL. So I came to Portland, because the 'stars' aligned, and I had a room in which to move. Things seemed to work out, but I don't believe in fate, so I must be self-directed, and looking for these 'opportunities'. I give great consideration to these matters, because I hate excuses. In truth, I see the pros and cons of a place after about eight months of living in it, but I don't consider objective critique adverse to loving and staying. When it comes down to it, I do what I feel I want. And I want, "to go do and see as many things as I possibly can in this life," as my grandfather once said of his life experiences. I can't dissect it more than to say, opportunity and experiences are the manifestations of our desires. (If you know what to do, then go do that). Ultimately, it is as I wrote. If motion is your happiness, make motion your home. An important footnote is to do it with care and consideration for those who love you.

The End, indeed. index.

Ghost Images: Making Plans and Impressions

Image Transfer and Planner Making

The things you'll need:
Gel Medium (gesso or mod podge also works; gloss or matte), a palette knife (spoon, stick, bone folder, letter opener, or paint brush); papers, envelopes, exacto knife, paper clips, labels (if you want your image transfer to be a planner); an image (xerox or photo copy); a place on which to transfer (fabric, wood, paper, etc.; this will be the planner covers); not pictured: bowl of water and brush (wide sponge brush works best)


The Steps to Take
1) Coat image with medium, using palette knife, turn over and place on transfer surface, brandish with palette knife handle (or bone folder eq.), and allow to dry thoroughly (overnight is safest, but hair dryers work, or heat)







2) Once the image is completely dry, wet with sponge brush and water, and carefully peel paper off. You can use the brush to remove most of the paper, and can roll the remaining debris with fingers.







3)Once the paper is mostly removed, coat with gel medium, and allow to dry



4)To begin making the planner, measure holes evenly along either the top or side edges of the front and back of the planner. Use an awl, or a nail, and smooth with sandpaper. Poke the holes from the face to the inside.
5) Cut planner papers, hole punch evenly with holes on the front and back covers. Use two pages as end pages, and with a thin paste, glue them to the inside covers.
6) In order to connect it all, use binder rings (found at any practical office supply store); size to needs.



The End

You can label tabs with a typewriter, to section off your parts.

Mourning the Loss of a Treasure: Cowboy Dances

When mourning the loss of a treasure, I highly recommend making a new one.


this is an old record book found at the bins. If you are familiar with the bins, then you are lucky. It became a cd book, as a birthday gift.







Because our sorrow is useful energy. And rarely do we let ourselves benefit from its power.



the cds in the book are mixes, inspired by titles of old contra dances.








You may decide to give this thing away; you may not be able to love it in your current state.


called such things as 'dive for the oyster', 'cheat and swing', 'don't you touch her', 'rattlesnake twist', etc.






But that's okay. Because surely, someone else can. In his or her current state.

meetings as memory and snow flakes

I played games as a child, where I was moving without touching the ground. We drove around in cars made from the tops of gift boxes, and we built bridges from books so that we could cross the hot lava without losing a limb. I don't know how we rationalized what 'counted' as safe ground, and what didn't. I just know that there was always a we, because these games were not fun without one, and you can't decide what really 'counts' without one. The rules seem permanent when there's a consensus.
I have just been thinking about staying in touch, and the impossibility of truly remaining there. People are splinters, aside from the words we use, and the sentimentality we prescribe to every person we make love to, or eat lunch with.
So here is to a good first impression, repeated like pi, or ground hog's day, to time spent reborn as memory, and to our mind's arbitrary reflexes:




"How many of these exquisitely constructed jewels do we heedlessly crush and shatter unconsciously during a brief walk in the snow and how crude and imperfect seem the productions of human minds and hands when compared to those formed by the blind forces of nature."
-Jean M. Thompson

The Compound Umbel Looks Like a Leaky Umbrella

When the stalks all arise at the same level, the inflorescence is an umbel. An umbel is compound when it is repeatedly branched.

This book is coptic bound, and approximately 4x5". It's a blank book, inside, and was altered from less than one cover of a reader's digest book, some packing materials for a multi-tool, tracing paper, plant diagrams, and stamped text. Happy Birthday to Melinda, a bit late.

Adaptations of Birds: On Winged Things and Others in the Sky

I am disappointed in the quality of these, the only photos I have, of this book. I was meeting a deadline of sorts, and sacrificed documentation for detail. Left is before, right is after. The inside pages are collages, paintings, and blank pages paying homage to the beautiful things in the sky. I'm happy that my work is taking direction again. I moved across the country, and for the time before, and a little after the move, I was all over the place. This book took shape in a way that I am familiar with, but found me desiring cohesion apart from the context of the owner. Most of my books are gifts, and some of them turn into a more personal documentation of my relationship with the owner.
The inside pages are mostly new to the book, coptic bound, and glued by end pages to the cover. The folios consist of pages from the original book, tracing paper, gouache paintings of walking patterns of birds, pictures from old books, and so on. The cover is altered by an octagonal recess, covered with green graph paper, with a layer of tracing paper on top. On the underside of the tracing paper are penciled diagrams of war planes, and on the upperside is the stamped text of the title.

"The mind is an open cavity in which the entire village dwells, and the jungle grows"

(from Bonfire of the Vanities, by Tom Wolfe) (A piece from an old laundry bag as the spine; an old book, coptic bound, again)
to: kimo based on the music stand of Evelyn Foust

"Each person is a transitory composite of materials borrowed from the environment." I hope that he will look at this book, and not be disappointed that I cut up some important relics, to create a new one.