I am changing colors

I do not portray being; I portray passing...My history needs to be adapted to the moment...I may indeed contradict myself now and then; but truth, as Demades said, I do not contradict."
-Michel de Montaigne


fossils from fern like scrolls:
a beautifully marked high altitude crystal
elliptical
toothed
mass of feathers scattered upon glass
delicate background





















we are a beautiful example of two distinct types
one, graceful feathers with curling ends
the other, a design of frost from the land of pointed firs



















protein









the winter tabular hoar frost resembles
flesh becoming stairs, column, sky, and architecture


















As I grieve the realization that you can live without me, my relief is a wave (in the most general scientific sense). We are fossils made from the sediment of past crimes, and this hardness preserved us. There is a place where the past is unremembered, but that place is less a space than a moment, where living organisms breathe disbelief.

An Essay to Disguise Giving Up

There are the mistakes we make after trying very hard without success, and the ones we make and attribute to divine intervention, for their favorable outcome. But I am interested in the tangibility of intention- the end we can attribute to ourselves, our perception, our experience, or our next step.

I feel temporary, the impulse of time's momentum relative to my actions, like I'm sifting through peanut butter, my thoughts fall like concrete from my ear to break my foot, the opposite of amnesia.

I recognize myself as an animal, most, in my impulses. And I think trying things over and over to eliminate mistakes is an evolution we can benefit from in our lifetime. So I am in love with momentum, and feel like a caged animal when I come to an unfamiliar point and don't know which way to go. I am learning the graceful way of going back the way I came, or leaving the path altogether. Some may call it quitting. But we are too temporary to attribute meaning to all of our mistakes. Sometimes patience prevails. Sometimes things are plain wrong. I am learning when to stop, abandon ship, give up, or quit in whatever connotation the situation requires. The truth is, leaving is movement.

Here is one thing I decided just won't work, for now.:

It was going to be a comprehensive catalogue of all the techniques I learned in my undergrad.

I was pretty far along in documenting the process, and close to finishing this task.

It's made from an old music techniques book, some of the record books that have pockets in which to hold the records, davey board, and fabric. I planned on finishing the

cover with an image transfer of the altered cover with my name, new title and content in place of the old technique book's title, and content.

I will return to this project, with a strong foundation for format, and a better understanding of durability in construction. I am really interested in categorizing information in the most efficient, usable form. For now, though, I am in Australia, working on a smaller scale, with ideas I can hold in my hands, while my mind takes in everything else.

Owl Mother, Daughter

To: Ellis Anders

This treasure is a song book I found in Arles, France.

And has become a place for my new niece to keep her treasure.

The Comforts of Home

While I was cleaning, so that I can pack lightly, I found this old project (left) from my Computer Arts 100 course from 2005, and noticed a moderate resemblance (right). I may not be very good at designing logos (the economy is where I get stuck), but I might have a knack for envisioning the future?

"He did not know where a suitcase was, he disliked to pack, he needed his books, his typewriter was not portable, he was used to an electric blanket, he could not bear to eat in restaurants. His mother, with her daredevil charity, was about to wreck the peace of the house.
If you bring that girl back into this house, I leave. You can choose-her or me.
On the contrary: she had not made any choice. She was counting on his attachment to his electric blanket."
From The Comforts of Home by Flannery O'Connor

While I think that Flannery O'Connor's knack lay in her ability to pinpoint human nature, and I am in love with the way she uses words to let us know, I am looking forward so much to leaving the comforts of home, behind.

A Simple Thank You

Tools: Text, 2 pieces of paper, a ribbon, needle and thread or sewing machine.

Organisms in Their Environments: The Documentation of Existence

Here is the story I wanted to tell, pictures and all.

This book is made from an old book, kraft paper, tracing paper, ink drawings, and collage. The illustrations are primarily from four books (Le Petit Buffon Illustre, Backyard Flowers, A Golden Guide: Ecology, and A Flower Book for the Pocket), collaged to create a place with which to identify the words (which may be taken as advice).

The quote from Richard Lewontin is taken out of its context, to kaleidoscope its possible meaning. It speaks of a thermometer which we can apply to our lives. If you are unhappy in your work, that must not be the work for you. Or if you're not very good at what you're working on, it's okay to move on. We've made it this far, we can't be doing so much wrong. But we've made it this far, because we've evolved. Why stop now?

The individual contains his personal evolution. And in order to thrive, must make his space personal. (Above page's text from Ecology.)









Applied to making this book for a new baby, it's a reminder to parents and child, alike. It's okay to let go, because although we inhabit each other's space at times, the line must be drawn at inhibiting another's space. Boundaries, too, are a part of space building, and I am not, by any means, saying we can do without them.









I am only trying to explain how ephemeral this concept, these walls, can and should be. How much of ourselves to implement, without imposing.










But my words are grains of salt. I've never been a parent. I've only had them. And they taught me these things; I don't know where else I could've gotten them.










I am not saying leave a space when it's uncomfortable. But know the capacity of your lungs for water and air.

A Golden Guide: Ecology lists the types of species interactions as follows: shade, fungi, growth inhibitors, predator and prey, competition, in symbiotic relationships, a give-and-take relationship, protective, and dependency

Those are classifications to keep in mind.

give-and-take
















fashion as space








shade
















A look at the full spread, with page number.






This page's text is a quote taken from A Golden Guide: Ecology. Although the rest of the text is my own (except page two, also from Ecology), the sentiment that spoke to me from this statement is too honest to neglect. There are many things it makes me think, so I will edit. At first, I hear something about being safe, and the dangers in remaining covered. Because I have negative connotations to the words persisted and isolation. At first, I feel a mediocre excuse coming on because persistence speaks of trying, failing, middle of the road to stay on course, safe. But I am wrong in my assumptions. Then I realize how beautiful the structure and concept of fossils are. This species, around for hundreds of thousands of years, could be mistaken for anachronisms in their isolation, their subtle existence, but they are role models of evolutionary excellence. What great advice I bet they have. For preservation is a creation...






I moved a year ago, and am about to move again. I am skeptical of myself. Because truly, if you are happy, shouldn't you be able to stay put, and regenerate yourself? Motion is inspiring, but is it cheating? People close to me questioned my motives for my last move, and the move I am about to make. The impression I get, is that they assume I am unhappy, and want to go get happy. I admit, there are times I feel stifled by places, and it may seem to correlate with longevity. I felt like I HAD to get out of Orlando, FL. So I came to Portland, because the 'stars' aligned, and I had a room in which to move. Things seemed to work out, but I don't believe in fate, so I must be self-directed, and looking for these 'opportunities'. I give great consideration to these matters, because I hate excuses. In truth, I see the pros and cons of a place after about eight months of living in it, but I don't consider objective critique adverse to loving and staying. When it comes down to it, I do what I feel I want. And I want, "to go do and see as many things as I possibly can in this life," as my grandfather once said of his life experiences. I can't dissect it more than to say, opportunity and experiences are the manifestations of our desires. (If you know what to do, then go do that). Ultimately, it is as I wrote. If motion is your happiness, make motion your home. An important footnote is to do it with care and consideration for those who love you.

The End, indeed. index.

Before It Is Bound: The Progress and Many Layers of the Baby Book

It started with an image for an invitation, turned into a collage, and an attempt at screen-printing...

The baby shower was fun, but my lack of organization as far as theme and lesson plan didn't turn out any prints.




In the process of learning image transfer methods, I decided to use my research and experiments, (in the vein of science), as the backdrops to the story. I started with one experimental page, and when it worked, went on to do the rest all at once.
I layered in the same manner. One experiment page, then the rest all at once. The transfers were made in the same fashion as the planner post, but there are three layers. All made on fabric, the first layer is an environment, and the transfer is made with gesso. The next two layers, starting with an animal, ending with a plant(hybrid/collage from A Flower Book For the Pocket and flowers from a children's gardening book), both made with Gel Gloss Medium (as pictured in the planner post). And a final layer of gel gloss medium to seal the page.


The final pieces to the book production were the cover and the text. I worked on the cover in and out of making transfers. The shell for the cover comes from a magical book I found a few years ago in Asheville, North Carolina, and held onto. I think I always pictured it for a child, because of its whimsy, but it had to contain a story, and the story had to correlate with the cover, without trying too hard.


The title and spine letters are partly from the insides of the original book and the rest of the letters from a typewriter. The title (Organisms in Their Environments) is inspired by an evolutionist, Richard Lewontin, who Richard Dawkins quotes in his book The God Delusion. In turn, I quote him, coming to many conclusions for myself, and hopefully giving some insight, open to much interpretation, by any individual who comes across it. Broadly, it comes to mean where you are when you read it. In the right place, at the right time, we are receptive to the most magic, with the most meaning.

On the final day, I sat down with the cover and pages, to write the text. The story is for August William Doe, as my advice on existing, inspired by the books I've recently read, and my own experience in being.